In lieu of our "hangout" tonight, read this blog from the Tiny Buddha website, and write a thoughtful reply to at least one of the 4 questions - then reply to at least 3 of your classmates.
Adopt a Growth Mindset and Stop Fearing Criticism and Failure
“There are no failures. Just experiences and your reactions to them.” ~Tom Krause
Ever found yourself working for a bad boss? I was shocked to learn recently that three out of every four people report that their boss is the most stressful part of their job; and that it takes most of us up to twenty-two months to free ourselves of them.
I thought it was just me!
A few years ago I joined a large accounting firm to help them manage their employees. Though they were nice enough people outside of work, at the office, their professional pride in finding errors and vigorously pointing them out made them the worst bosses I have ever worked for!
Every day was a battle of constant criticism and negativity. No matter what we achieved, the focus was always on what we needed to do better.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m all for feedback and improving what I do at work. I also need to, at least occasionally, feel my efforts are appreciated in order to maintain my sense of enthusiasm and confidence.
After all, we all have a deep psychological need to be respected, valued, and appreciated.
As month after month of this behavior dragged on, for the first time ever I found myself really struggling to get out of bed and go to work. Their negativity seemed to be eating me up.
Unwilling to just quit my job, I started researching ways to deal with my whining, moaning, negative bosses to see if I could restore some joy to my job. Luckily, I quickly discovered the field of positive psychology—the science of bringing out the best in people—and the phenomenon of “growth mindsets.”
Stanford psychologist, Carol Dweck, has found that changing the way we perceive ourselves can dramatically improve our feelings and results.
In particular, two beliefs can make a difference: Can we improve our abilities, or is this as good as we get?
Reading this now, it probably seems like a no-brainer to you. Surely we’re all capable of change! The reality is, though, many of us secretly walk around with a “fixed mindset,” believing that our natural abilities are all we have and it won’t get much better than this.
I’ve lived most of my life quietly worrying that, one day, I’ll be found out. People will realize I’m not as great as they first thought, and there’s nothing I’ll be able to do about it.
These are the textbook thoughts of someone with a “fixed mindset.”
As a result I tend to focus way too much on outcome goals, as though these achievements— youngest General Manager ever appointed at the firm—will protect me and validate me in front of others.
I don’t like to put myself too far out there in case opportunities don’t come, or I fail miserably at set challenges. And even though I try to listen bravely, I really don’t like negative feedback because it reminds me of all I lack.
Dweck’s research shows that people with a fixed mindset often end up disengaging with their problems, become depressed and de-energized, and lose self-esteem when they inevitably give up. Not a great match for bosses who prove their value by the number of faults they can point out.
Thankfully, Dweck’s research has also found a way to challenge these beliefs. By adopting a “growth mindset” I was able to set myself free.
Our ability to change is no longer in any scientific doubt. The lifelong plasticity of our brains means that through learning and effort, we are all capable of improvement and change. Even me.
These are the textbook thoughts of someone with a “growth mindset.”
When I started to talk back to my “fixed” thoughts and remember that every complaint my bosses made was an opportunity to learn and get better, an interesting shift started happening at work: The criticisms lost their personal thorns, and instead I became fascinated by tackling the challenges and soon regained my full confidence.
Having heard my boss’ critiques, I also began to ask, “So I’m understanding you clearly, can you tell me what percentage of our approach is actually working?” You’ll laugh, but nearly every single time the answer was that more than seventy percent of what we were doing was great.
What on earth was I losing sleep about!
But don’t just take my word for it. Studies show that people with a growth mindset are able to negotiate better with others because they’re able to push past obstacles and reach agreements that benefit both parties. Also, managers with a growth mindset are more willing coaches, who appreciate employee improvements. (If only it were contagious!)
If you’re suffering from a “fixed mindset,” and the fear of failure is stressing you out, you can also benefit from Dweck’s work. Here’s how she suggests you turn your mindset around:
“There are no failures. Just experiences and your reactions to them.” ~Tom Krause
Ever found yourself working for a bad boss? I was shocked to learn recently that three out of every four people report that their boss is the most stressful part of their job; and that it takes most of us up to twenty-two months to free ourselves of them.
I thought it was just me!
A few years ago I joined a large accounting firm to help them manage their employees. Though they were nice enough people outside of work, at the office, their professional pride in finding errors and vigorously pointing them out made them the worst bosses I have ever worked for!
Every day was a battle of constant criticism and negativity. No matter what we achieved, the focus was always on what we needed to do better.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m all for feedback and improving what I do at work. I also need to, at least occasionally, feel my efforts are appreciated in order to maintain my sense of enthusiasm and confidence.
After all, we all have a deep psychological need to be respected, valued, and appreciated.
As month after month of this behavior dragged on, for the first time ever I found myself really struggling to get out of bed and go to work. Their negativity seemed to be eating me up.
Unwilling to just quit my job, I started researching ways to deal with my whining, moaning, negative bosses to see if I could restore some joy to my job. Luckily, I quickly discovered the field of positive psychology—the science of bringing out the best in people—and the phenomenon of “growth mindsets.”
Stanford psychologist, Carol Dweck, has found that changing the way we perceive ourselves can dramatically improve our feelings and results.
In particular, two beliefs can make a difference: Can we improve our abilities, or is this as good as we get?
Reading this now, it probably seems like a no-brainer to you. Surely we’re all capable of change! The reality is, though, many of us secretly walk around with a “fixed mindset,” believing that our natural abilities are all we have and it won’t get much better than this.
I’ve lived most of my life quietly worrying that, one day, I’ll be found out. People will realize I’m not as great as they first thought, and there’s nothing I’ll be able to do about it.
These are the textbook thoughts of someone with a “fixed mindset.”
As a result I tend to focus way too much on outcome goals, as though these achievements— youngest General Manager ever appointed at the firm—will protect me and validate me in front of others.
I don’t like to put myself too far out there in case opportunities don’t come, or I fail miserably at set challenges. And even though I try to listen bravely, I really don’t like negative feedback because it reminds me of all I lack.
Dweck’s research shows that people with a fixed mindset often end up disengaging with their problems, become depressed and de-energized, and lose self-esteem when they inevitably give up. Not a great match for bosses who prove their value by the number of faults they can point out.
Thankfully, Dweck’s research has also found a way to challenge these beliefs. By adopting a “growth mindset” I was able to set myself free.
Our ability to change is no longer in any scientific doubt. The lifelong plasticity of our brains means that through learning and effort, we are all capable of improvement and change. Even me.
These are the textbook thoughts of someone with a “growth mindset.”
When I started to talk back to my “fixed” thoughts and remember that every complaint my bosses made was an opportunity to learn and get better, an interesting shift started happening at work: The criticisms lost their personal thorns, and instead I became fascinated by tackling the challenges and soon regained my full confidence.
Having heard my boss’ critiques, I also began to ask, “So I’m understanding you clearly, can you tell me what percentage of our approach is actually working?” You’ll laugh, but nearly every single time the answer was that more than seventy percent of what we were doing was great.
What on earth was I losing sleep about!
But don’t just take my word for it. Studies show that people with a growth mindset are able to negotiate better with others because they’re able to push past obstacles and reach agreements that benefit both parties. Also, managers with a growth mindset are more willing coaches, who appreciate employee improvements. (If only it were contagious!)
If you’re suffering from a “fixed mindset,” and the fear of failure is stressing you out, you can also benefit from Dweck’s work. Here’s how she suggests you turn your mindset around:
1. Learn to hear your fixed mindset “voice.”
What is your internal narrative telling you when you: approach a challenge? Face criticism?
What is your internal narrative telling you when you: approach a challenge? Face criticism?
2. Recognize that you have a choice.
How you interpret challenges, setbacks, and criticism is your choice. You can interpret them in a fixed mindset, as signs that your fixed talents or abilities are lacking. Or you can interpret them in a growth mindset, as signs that you need to ramp up your strategies and effort, stretch yourself, and expand your abilities. It’s up to you.
How you interpret challenges, setbacks, and criticism is your choice. You can interpret them in a fixed mindset, as signs that your fixed talents or abilities are lacking. Or you can interpret them in a growth mindset, as signs that you need to ramp up your strategies and effort, stretch yourself, and expand your abilities. It’s up to you.
3. Talk back to it with a growth mindset voice.
As you approach a challenge, are you determined to avoid failure at all costs or are you willing to embrace the opportunity to learn?
As you approach a challenge, are you determined to avoid failure at all costs or are you willing to embrace the opportunity to learn?
4. Take the growth mindset action.
Over time, which voice you heed becomes pretty much your choice. Whether you take on the challenge wholeheartedly, learn from your setbacks, and try again is now in your hands.
For me this became a turning point in my career. Embracing my growth mindset, I no longer feared falling short of perfection. Rather in the words of Samuel Beckett: “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
Do you have a growth mindset?
Over time, which voice you heed becomes pretty much your choice. Whether you take on the challenge wholeheartedly, learn from your setbacks, and try again is now in your hands.
For me this became a turning point in my career. Embracing my growth mindset, I no longer feared falling short of perfection. Rather in the words of Samuel Beckett: “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
Do you have a growth mindset?
Beware, my first post deleted (copy and save just incase). Like I said in my previous post... today was the perfect day for me to read this article. I have an hour drive and the whole entire drive home all I could think about was my supervisors actions today. I was wishing that they would have listened to more of what I said and done something about it instead of initially just going back to their day. I like that this article shifted the focus from blaming other people and instead, looking at how you think or view a situation/thought. You truly are the one that sets the tone for the day and sets the tone for if you're going to let something bug you for the rest of the day or not. I really liked the 3rd question..As you approach a challenge, are you determined to avoid failure at all costs or are you willing to embrace the opportunity to learn?
ReplyDeleteI avoid failure at all costs and I mean all costs. I use to come in 3 hours early just to make sure I avoided any failures or mishaps that could happen during the day. What I have come to learn, especially from this article is that failures are what make you learn. There is no need to brush failures under the rug because they are a learning tool. You don't know everything and failing is the best motivation you need to learn from it!
It is insanely challenging to NOT try to avoid failure at all costs! Especially in a field where so many people are relying on you to do it right the first time, and do it NOW. It is hard to adjust to trying to simply learn instead of do. Sometimes, we just need reminders like this to calm down and let things fall as they may when we can not possibly control every little thing that comes our way.
DeleteI'm sure it's frustrating not having your voice heard, especially from your supervisor. I really like what you said about "not brushing the failures under the rug" but instead using it as a resource to learn for the next time.
DeleteI'm also super afraid to fail. I'm afraid to have anyone mad or upset with me. I'm learning that unless it is super imperative that something go absolutely perfectly,
Delete(which I haven't found a situation yet that was quite this important) that its OKAY to do something wrong. This is a huge shift for my brain and it is definitely going to take some time to get used to.
4: I like to believe that I have a growth mindset and that I think positively about present situations I am dealing with, with one of my clients. That's not to say that I don't sometimes have a fixed mindset, but it is about being mindful and noticing when those thoughts with words like "can't, never, impossible" make their way into your mind. A growth mindset is what helps me work through crisis with clients or speaking with a client who presents with extreme delusions. It is about thinking deeper and beyond what is at the surface of it all, and finding an understanding within yourself as to why you may be feeling negatively about an interaction with a client.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you're in a great place mentally all day! I am trying to move towards from a fixed mindset to a open mindset. I feel I am so stuck in my ways and views that I often struggle and I am constantly stressed out when a situation doesn't go exactly how I envision it.
DeleteSometimes, you just have to let things flow as they are meant to. I don't know about you, but I do not have the power to make everything happen exactly the way I expect because of all the outside variables that get thrown my way. I am a case manager with 26 clients and in my first week one of my coworkers had a mental break and threatened the agency and everybody in it. In my second week, I was given 15 clients on a Monday, and I ended up having 26 by the end of the day on that Monday. I definitely had my moments through that when I was like "Okay, I can't do this." But, then I remembered, I am a student learning to be an expert. Perspective is the real deal.
DeleteNothing has slowed down either, so I would not be in a good place mentally or emotionally if I let all of the things, that get thrown at me everyday bring me down.
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ReplyDelete1. When I face challenges, my first instinct is to just tell myself that I can do it, even if I don't believe it. It puts me in a much better mood than if I just say that I can't face anything and give up. When I am given criticism though, I feel like a piece of garbage. I definitely take criticisms to heart, and I am trying to teach myself not to do that. Sometimes I just need to change what I am doing and move on, but it is very hard not to take everything personally when someone points out what I am doing wrong.
ReplyDeleteSince my practicum, I have worked on finding ways to take criticism in a positive manner. It's so hard because during my practicum my supervisor's were very negative about criticism, and they were never constructive criticisms. It's hard to learn, but remember that you're a student and you have every right to still be learning right now!
DeleteI think that's a motivational first instinct, I can relate to that! I think that you should just remember you're a student still and need to cut yourself some slack. Even if you don't get something the first try, you'll remember that for the next time.
Delete2. Since starting my internship I have noticed a lot how much I criticize myself. I focus a lot of my attention on trying to not fail in the tasks I am doing, and try hard on doing the best I can on the goals I set for myself. I have noticed though and am trying to work hard on allowing myself to fail so I can grow and learn from my mistakes. By not allowing myself to try and not make any mistakes I have been dwelling on events on my site that I feel I could have preformed better on; and I have been allowing myself to keep thinking on what I should of done. I really take failure hard and can think negatively about myself (I am not good enough, I am causing more trouble for others, I am just in the way, etc.) My fear of failure is holding me back from my full potential. I am continuing to work on not being so hard on myself when I do fail, as well as to accept it and grow from it. I have to remember that I am still new at my site and I am not expected to be perfect or get everything right the first time; I just need to get out of my shell more and take advantage of all of the opportunities around me, and as a motivational poster my site supervisor has in her classroom says " Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness" Oprah Winfrey.
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you're starting to change your thinking on "failures" you have had at your site. Without failure there is no room for growth. Keep it up!
DeleteI often criticize myself as well. I have starting to learn you have to just be accepting and let somethings go. You will go mad if you do not. I love your last quote my Oprah Winfrey. It is another steppingstone to greatness!.
DeleteThe quote by Oprah is definitely awesome! I have a hard time not criticizing myself but regarding the internship I know any information I take in will be valuable for me both long and short term. I know your agency works with a similar population so there is no being perfect at first. You got this, keep it up :)
DeleteI criticize myself a lot too at our site. I see how well you are doing every day and it makes me jealous sometimes because I have that voice telling me how badly I must be doing at that you're so much better at this than I am! I know I need to stop comparing myself to others and that is definitely one of my own biggest downfalls.
DeleteI have to admit, the narrative in my head is constant and negative...i have always been a type A, high energy person, and now with lyme/chronic illness, I cannot work at 200% and I have had to let go of being perfect. The demands of my job are such that when I do 70% of my job great, then the 30% represents people I may have let down, or emails that aren't returned. That is when my self-talk is so critical. How ironic, I teach about disability, but have difficulty adjusting to my own! my growth mindset is this -- I have value beyond what work I produce...if that makes sense. So, there's some self-disclosure. I hope you know that even at age 54, life is mysterious and challenging...
ReplyDeleteI think it's hard to accept our own "disabilities" because we are here to provide services to people who have "disabilities" that are often more debilitating than our own! I have a lot of anxiety and get panic attacks often, but I often find myself not accepting it because "it could be worse" or "I am just reading into it". It's silly, but it's true. We often are our own worst enemy, it's human nature really. But, when you work in the helping professiob aren't you supposed to represent a stable person who's problems don't matter when they are with a client?
Delete3/4: My biggest critic is definitely my own, since I've been doing my internship the I've been hard on myself and worrying what I've been doing hasn't been enough. I have great support from my immediate supervisor/case managers/coworkers who are constantly there to look at the positive. With working in a high intensity setting, safety is a crucial component so the staff knows that those working need to be informed and take it constructively. I like constructive feedback so I can learn and show the comments I've been given. These include safety care, programming relating to the individualized education plan (IEP) or the positive behavioral support plan (PBSP). I can fail, learn from it, and perform better next time the situation arises. I want to learn and become more of an asset to the agency.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to wanting to learn and become more of an asset. I got a huge compliment yesterday from a long time staff and it really gave me a boost! To get here though, I failed and got hurt a few times, (bumps and bruises, not big deal), but its really pushing me to work harder, and with that comes the self criticism, especially in an often very unsafe environment. It's hard to remember sometimes that we work as a team and there are people looking out for us!
Delete